Cleveland fans… stop watching sports this year

I am actually dead serious.

This is the best advice you can get from your pal Sully.

Stop. 

Don’t watch the NBA Finals. It will just make you mad.

Don’t watch any Indians games. They are terrible.

Don’t watch any Browns games. They won’t win the Super Bowl.

Seriously… turn off ESPN. Don’t log onto your favorite sports blogs.

Do yourself this favor and don’t watch any more sports until the calendar flips over to the new decade.

Consider all of the time you spend on sports during a season and use it elsewhere.

If you are a spouse or a parent… spend time with your family. 

If your spouse rolls their eyes when you say “I’ve got to watch the game today” imagine their glee when you say “Let’s do something this Sunday together.”

Think about stuff you wanted to do around the house.

Think about some crack pot idea you are kicking around in your head.

Is there some relative or friend you’ve lost touch with? Call them. And say “Let’s meet this Sunday.” And when they say “Wait, aren’t the Browns playing then?” reply “This is more important.” They’ll cry more than the end of Terms of Endearment!

Are there books you haven’t read? Read them.

Is there a book idea you have? Write it.

Is there an instrument that fascinates you? Learn it.

Are there local points of interest you’ve driven past all of your life and never entered? Go check them out.

It doesn’t even have to be something refined.

Learn some new dirty jokes.

Ever hear people talk about movies that you realize you never saw… go see them.

Catch up on TV shows.

Because it isn’t just the time watching the game… there is the fretting about it, the Fantasy Teams you keep, the reading the scores and watching the highlights or listening to sports talk.

You’ve got to stop it for the rest of the year.

I know you think because I am a Red Sox fan that I am trying to rub something in your face on such a devastating night as the Cavaliers unlikely collapse to Orlando.

Nothing  could be further from the truth. I am a Red Sox fan and a Celtics fan, so yes in full disclosure I rooted against the Indians in 2007 and the Cavs in 2008.

And also in full disclosure my favorite National League team is the Giants and if there ever was a rematch of the 1954 World Series, I’d have to root for the Giants because they are my dad’s team.

But when the Red Sox, Celtics or Giants are not involved… I ALWAYS root for the Cleveland team.

I have written about the insane drought in Cleveland and I’ve openly rooted for the Cavs in this post season.

Even when we Red Sox fans went through the 86 year drought, we had the Celtics winning titles.

But there was something very cruel about tonights game… in some ways more cruel than the Drive, the Fumble, the Shot or the 9th inning of Game 7 in 1997.

There was no dagger. It was just a loss. 

The Magic beat them, and it wasn’t even as close as the score would indicate.

I wondered if LeBron James had answered Jordan’s shot over Ehlo? It turns out it was just the same as John Starks’ dunk in 1993. It looked great, but his team lost in 6.

Seriously… think about it. 

This has nothing to do with loyalty. No fans in all of sport are more loyal than Cleveland fans. 

Keeping in mind that you don’t really start following the ins and outs of a sports team until you reach 7 or 8 years of age, there are 52 year olds with no memory of a Cleveland title.

There has been no Championship parade in Cleveland in the 1970s, the 1980s, the 1990s and now the 2000s.

You are loyal.

But you deserve a break.

I expect to see the attendance at Indians and Browns games to be ZERO!

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Keep doing that Papi… you might pull something

People think I am kidding when I say we need to fake an injury with David Ortiz.

I couldn’t be more serious. At this point, if he knicks himself shaving, I want Papi on the 60 Day DL!

Papi on the disabled list I think will start a great domino effect for the Red Sox that could put the Sox in great shape for the long haul.

STEP ONE: 

David Ortiz, one of the great sports heroes in Boston history, is on the 60 Day Disabled List. 

Official reason: 

He had a bad dream last night.

STEP TWO: 

Clay Buchholz (Remember him? Our next ace?) is summoned from Pawtucket where he is 3-0 with a 1.30 ERA.

He is inserted into the rotation.

(I always have to check if it is two C’s or two H’s!)

STEP THREE: 

Brad Penny is dealt. Yes his 5-1 record looks sexy but his 5.96 ERA and Larry Bowa’s rant about his work ethic paint an uglier picture.

However the Sox are in a unique position. His last few starts haven’t been bad and it seems like every single team is drooling for pitching.

Peavy is out there (but he’s evidently a smidge picky.)

And there is Cliff Lee as well.

Other than those two, who else is really up for grabs? How many people have a pitcher that in 2007 finished third in the Cy Young vote available?

Plus with Peavy not going to an East Coast team, maybe the Red Sox can get the Phillies and Mets scared of each other and pry away a quality minor leaguer.

(Brad Penny is better than Victor Zambrano. I wonder if they have another Scott Kazmir down there!)

STEP FOUR:

Trade for a young position player.

Imagine swiping a good young position player from, say, the Mets. 

Let’s say a young third baseman… or a swift outfielder…

Then imagine that player joining the young nucleus with Ellsbury and Pedroia et al.

And then imagine shifting Mike Lowell or J. D. Drew to the DH slot where they can just concentrate on hitting rather than risking injury in the field.

STEP FIVE:

Activate John Smoltz and have him scare the Bejesus out of the young pitchers.

It’s always a good thing to have a future Hall of Famer hanging around who was a Cy Young caliber starter AND reliever.

Boom!

You’ve shored up the rotation, the line up and keep either Drew or Lowell healthy all year.

And all you need is Big Papi to pretend he’s hurt!

Come on! The checks will still clear!

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Well that was pathetic, Oakland

A few days ago I called out the A’s and demanded they sack Bob Geren.

They had a big 4 game series coming up (I mistakenly called it a 3 game set) and any hope for the A’s to crawl back into it was resting on showing up for this set.

They had 8 games to make up… could they cut it down?

They got swept in a Day/Night Doubleheader (which is almost impossible) and today really showed a lot of heart in a 14-1 massacre.

It’s not even June and the A’s… the team I picked to win the World Series… are done.

Cooked.

They are 11 games out.

They are the worst team in the American League.

Only the Nationals are worse in all of Major League Baseball.

The only question is should they deal Matt Holliday or have him play out the season and pick up the draft picks?

As for Bob Geren… keep him. He’s supposedly great buddies with Billy Beane.

It’s going to be really lonely in Oakland, especially in September where I am predicting there will be several sub 1,000 crowds at the Coliseum. 

Billy is going to need a friend or two.

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