Should Oliver Perez be making demands?

According to the New York Times, Oliver Perez is telling the Mets he doesn’t want to be a reliever.

I think the Mets agree. They don’t want him to be a reliever… or a starter… or throw anything resembling a pitch in a game.

But if Perez could make demands to the Mets, I suppose the Mets could make a few demands back to Perez:

Win infinitely more games in 2011 than he did in 2010. (His 2010 record was 0-5.)

Try to get his ERA BELOW 6.80. (Set realistic goals.)

Maybe use some of the $36 million that he will make since 2009 to scout and find a decent pitcher. (Or even just a lousy one would be an improvement.)

Just throw batting practice. (Lord knows the opposing hitters all improve THEIR swings when Perez pitches.)

Start every fifth day… for whatever team the Mets are playing that day. (That’s got to be 30 wins right there!)

Stop talking about how “This is how we did it in Pittsburgh!” after EVERY loss. (The Mets losing tradition is much more nuanced.)

Try playing second base. (How could Perez’s infield play be any worse than his pitching?)

Stay in the headlines to distract the press from anything else that might be embarrassing about the Mets front office and financial dealings. (Not that there IS anything.)

– Use some of that $36 million to develop the technology from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. (The Mets need to erase the memory of Perez’s last few years from their brain.)

Care. (OK, maybe that is asking too much.)

Follow sullybaseball on Twitter

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s