Meanwhile in the offices of Fox Sports…


2011-08-FoxPlazaPhoto

INT FOX SPORTS CONFERENCE ROOM, OCTOBER 12, 2013 – EVENING

The scene is a massive conference room at Fox Sports. Windows overlook Century City. Photos of Super Bowls and World Series games past line the walls. A gold framed picture of Joe Buck has a spotlight hitting it.

A young JUNIOR EXECUTIVE is staring at a pair of flat screen televisions. One is showing highlights of the Cardinals celebrating their Game 2 NLCS victory over the Dodgers. The second shows the Tigers walking off the field in Boston after their win against the Red Sox.

The Junior Executive has a thousand yard stare. He looks like he might start crying but is in too much shock to tear up.

The door swings open and a SENIOR EXECUTIVE walks in. His suit is a little sharper thank the Junior Exec’s. He sees the two TVs.

SENIOR EXECUTIVE:
Staring at it won’t change it. Shut it off.

The junior executive turns the TVs off.

JUNIOR EXECUTIVE:
This sucks.

SENIOR EXECUTIVE:
Sucks? No. Drinking orange juice right after you brush your teeth sucks.
This is a potential nuclear holocaust. We had a best case scenario
brewing and now we have this crap.

JUNIOR EXECUTIVE:
We needed Dodgers and Red Sox.

SENIOR EXECUTIVE:
Well, the Dodgers are half way to playing golf and the Red Sox got just one more
hit than you and I did. So the chances of that happening are kind of bleak right now.

NLCS Dodgers Cardinals BaseballJUNIOR EXECUTIVE:
One hit. Boston got one hit. And the Dodgers got great pitching… they held to Cardinals to 3 earned runs. How did they lose both games?

SENIOR EXECUTIVE:
Because Don Mattingly hates us both. OK, bottom line it for me. What are we losing
if the Dodgers and the Red Sox get eliminated?

JUNIOR EXECUTIVE:
We lose the LA media market. We lose millions of eyeballs in a city that hasn’t seen a World Series since Reagan was President for a town in Missouri that whose population couldn’t fill Burbank and Pasadena.

SENIOR EXECUTIVE:
So that’s LA.

JUNIOR EXECUTIVE:
Actually the Dodgers would also bring in the New York market because so many Yankee fans would be hoping to see Don Mattingly win a World Series that they would be hooked. And the sight of seeing Don Mattingly win against the Red Sox would give it real juice in New York.

SENIOR EXECUTIVE:
So you are saying we would be exchanging the New York and Los Angeles media markets for St. Louis?

JUNIOR EXECUTIVE:
Yeah, pretty much.

SENIOR EXECUTIVE:
OK, that’s not good. And Boston?

JUNIOR EXECUTIVE:
We lose one of the few teams that have a national following. Lots of Boston fans are
transplanted. Lots of bandwagon fans.

SENIOR EXECUTIVE:
Plus the whole LA and Boston thing. Hell, Magic Johnson owns the damn team now. Have Magic show up to Boston. Built in rivalry.

2013 Vanity Fair Oscar PartyJUNIOR EXECUTIVE:
And you have Boston star power. Since The Departed, Boston somehow has a cool quality to it. And after The Town and Argo, it is OK to like Ben Affleck again.

SENIOR EXECUTIVE:
Not since he agreed to play Batman, don’t worry about that. But you are right. We could pack Dodger
Stadium with celebrities like it is a Laker game. What celebrity wants to fly to St. Louis?

JUNIOR EXECUTIVE:
Or Detroit.

SENIOR EXECUTIVE:
Here’s the cast of The New Girl in Detroit! Oh we are screwed. Tigers and Cardinals played each other just a few years ago.

JUNIOR EXECUTIVE:
2006.

SENIOR EXECUTIVE:
Nobody gave a shit.

JUNIOR EXECUTIVE:
It did well in St. Louis and Detroit.

The Senior Executive shakes his head.

SENIOR EXECUTIVE:
This was the one. Boston and Los Angeles was the only match up that would have any national audience. They were the two big budget and big market teams that people would watch.

JUNIOR EXECUTIVE:
Don’t people like to see the scrappy underdog? Aren’t they sick of seeing big market teams win.

The Senior Executive throws a pen at the Junior Executive’s head.

Shane Victorino, Chris Withrow

SENIOR EXECUTIVE:
Are you nuts? Of course they don’t! Everyone claims that is what they want, but they also claim they hate reality shows, and yet they watch them.

JUNIOR EXECUTIVE:
But I hear a lot of people say that’s what they want.

SENIOR EXECUTIVE:
They THINK that is what they want. What they really want is to see the big market guys fail on the big stage. Everyone says they hate to see the Yankees win and want to see a small club in it. In 2008, Tampa Bay was in the World Series. Remember that?

JUNIOR EXECUTIVE:
I kind of forgot.

SENIOR EXECUTIVE:
Yeah. You can’t get scrappier and lower budget than Tampa Bay. They were the great underdogs. One of the best stories ever. We showed that Series. The ratings were so low that we would have been better off showing a public access TV’s broadcast of a City Council meeting in recess. Next year it was Yankees and Phillies, two big market teams and we had the best ratings in years.

JUNIOR EXECUTIVE:
But I thought they hated big market teams.

SENIOR EXECUTIVE:
They do! And that’s the point. Sports fans need someone to root AGAINST! The more you hate a team, the more there is a reason to watch. Sports isn’t about holding hands and being nice. It is watching a team lose and a fan base suffer.

JUNIOR EXECUTIVE:
That’s so bleak.

SENIOR EXECUTIVE:
Welcome to TV kid. You need a good villain. The best James Bond films are the ones with the best bad guys. Goldfinger, Jaws, Odd Job, Blofeld..

JUNIOR EXECUTIVE:
Hervé Villechaize.

SENIOR EXECUTIVE:
And with Red Sox and Dodgers, you would have so many reasons to root AGAINST them. Big spenders, lots of fans hate the Dodgers. A lot hate the Red Sox. Lots of resentment.

Red-Sox_fanJUNIOR EXECUTIVE:
And Boston fans are obnoxious and L.A. fans are, well, L.A. fans.

SENIOR EXECUTIVE:
You are getting it now. What’s to hate about St. Louis? And who can root AGAINST Detroit?

JUNIOR EXECUTIVE:
So Boston and Los Angeles would have been the World Series that gave everyone something to hate.

Senior Executive nods and puts his finger on his nose.

JUNIOR EXECUTIVE:
It’s not going to happen. Detroit is throwing Scherzer and Verlander next and the Dodgers are going to have to face Wainwright. We are screwed.

Senior Executive looks out the window, then reaches into his pocket. He holds two pills in his hand and gives one to the Junior Executive.

SENIOR EXECUTIVE:
Take it after the Red Sox and Dodgers are eliminated. I have one too. Our death will be swift and painless.

The Junior Executive stares at the pill.

SENIOR EXECUTIVE:
If only we could fix it like the NBA and get the match ups we want.

JUNIOR EXECUTIVE:
What if we kidnap Scherzer, Verlander and Wainwright?

SENIOR EXECUTIVE:
What?

JUNIOR EXECUTIVE:
We must have the cash to do that. We kidnap them long enough for the Dodgers and Red Sox to advance and then release them. We return them safely just before Game 1 of the World Series in Boston.

SENIOR EXECUTIVE:
Not sure if that will work.

JUNIOR EXECUTIVE:
Sure it will. And we can even film the kidnapping and air it after the Series as a reality show. Everyone will claim it is disgusting and exploitative but the ratings will go through the roof We get the World Series AND the trashy reality program in one move.

SENIOR EXECUTIVE:
Kid, you will run a TV network before you are through. Let me call my dealer. He must know someone who knows how to kidnap.

The two executives leave and shut off the lights, leaving the spot on Joe Buck’s picture.

3 thoughts on “Meanwhile in the offices of Fox Sports…

  1. Pingback: Sully Baseball Daily Podcast Archives Oct 1, 2013 – Oct 31, 2013 (Episodes 343 – 373) | MLB Reports

  2. Pingback: Sully Baseball Daily Podcast – October 13, 2013 | MLB reports

  3. Pingback: Sully Baseball | Sully Baseball Daily Podcast – October 13, 2013

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