Can we just create a "He’s Been Sucking List"?

Dice-K has been sucking all year for the Red Sox… and now he’s suddenly on the disabled list.

Granted some of this is from his shoulder problems and no doubt more of it is from his pitching in the moronic WBC.
(Hey Junior 75 and everyone else who loved that silly exhibition… how often do you think of those games during this season? I think Japan won, right? Or was it Korea? I can’t remember… it was THAT MEMORABLE!)
I’m not accusing the Red Sox of pushing him back to the DL simply because he is sucking…
Actually that is EXACTLY what I am saying.
He was cleared to pitch and then threw with all the confidence of Calvin Schraldi.
And the Red Sox aren’t the only ones doing this…
Brad Lidge, with Satan now collecting on his bargain, got shuttled off to the DL.
Chien Ming Wang has been horrific with the Yankees… and he’s off to the DL.
Before Ortiz got hot again, there were whispers of putting HIM on the DL (and I advocated faking an injury).
In 2008 Joe Borowski was bombing with the Indians when an injury surfaced at just the right time. 
And of course there was the classic fake injury… Phil Hughes last year. No… he didn’t suck. It wasn’t a mistake to not trade for Johan Santana… he’s hurt! Yeah… that’s the ticket.

I say let’s end the charade.

Give each team one “He’s Been Sucking” transaction a year. No need to find an injury or fake one. Just come out and say it. “This is really bad… it would be better for all of us if we just find out what the hell is the matter with this guy.”

The guy basically puts the dunce cap on and they can fill his roster spot with someone else.

And there is no limit to how long they can stay on the list. It could be the rest of the season if they suck that badly.
But they can only do it once a year and once the player is off of the “He’s Been Sucking List” they can’t put him back on. 
They have to figure out what is wrong and they can’t shuttle him back and forth.
I’m actually 98% serious about this!
It makes perfect sense to me.
Which is why it will never happen.

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Keep doing that Papi… you might pull something

People think I am kidding when I say we need to fake an injury with David Ortiz.
I couldn’t be more serious. At this point, if he knicks himself shaving, I want Papi on the 60 Day DL!
Papi on the disabled list I think will start a great domino effect for the Red Sox that could put the Sox in great shape for the long haul.

STEP ONE: 
David Ortiz, one of the great sports heroes in Boston history, is on the 60 Day Disabled List. 
Official reason: 
He had a bad dream last night.

STEP TWO: 
Clay Buchholz (Remember him? Our next ace?) is summoned from Pawtucket where he is 3-0 with a 1.30 ERA.

He is inserted into the rotation.

(I always have to check if it is two C’s or two H’s!)

STEP THREE: 
Brad Penny is dealt. Yes his 5-1 record looks sexy but his 5.96 ERA and Larry Bowa’s rant about his work ethic paint an uglier picture.
However the Sox are in a unique position. His last few starts haven’t been bad and it seems like every single team is drooling for pitching.
Peavy is out there (but he’s evidently a smidge picky.)
And there is Cliff Lee as well.
Other than those two, who else is really up for grabs? How many people have a pitcher that in 2007 finished third in the Cy Young vote available?
Plus with Peavy not going to an East Coast team, maybe the Red Sox can get the Phillies and Mets scared of each other and pry away a quality minor leaguer.
(Brad Penny is better than Victor Zambrano. I wonder if they have another Scott Kazmir down there!)

STEP FOUR:
Trade for a young position player.
Imagine swiping a good young position player from, say, the Mets. 
Let’s say a young third baseman… or a swift outfielder…
Then imagine that player joining the young nucleus with Ellsbury and Pedroia et al.
And then imagine shifting Mike Lowell or J. D. Drew to the DH slot where they can just concentrate on hitting rather than risking injury in the field.

STEP FIVE:

Activate John Smoltz and have him scare the Bejesus out of the young pitchers.
It’s always a good thing to have a future Hall of Famer hanging around who was a Cy Young caliber starter AND reliever.
Boom!
You’ve shored up the rotation, the line up and keep either Drew or Lowell healthy all year.
And all you need is Big Papi to pretend he’s hurt!
Come on! The checks will still clear!

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